People-pleasing therapy
Therapy is about supporting you to learn about yourself and how to meet your needs, overcoming the unhelpful beliefs and patterns that keep you pleasing others and shifting your focus towards self-care and self-validation.
You'll learn how to approach your life and relationships from a place of self-trust and self-assurance and find your version of a more authentic and fulfilling life, regardless of what other people think (and without becoming really selfish!)
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Do you hear yourself saying things like: "I'm happy with anything, whatever you prefer" or "oh it's ok, I don't want to be an inconvenience!"
Do you find yourself overlooking your own needs in favour of making sure other people are happy and comfortable?
Maybe you’re exhausted from keeping the peace, always thinking about how others feel and sidelining your own needs?
You may find yourself...
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Worrying about what people think: This anxiety can be all-consuming (and exhausting), impacting everything from your decision-making and preferences, to suppressing your real opinions and feelings, hoping that adapting yourself will make people like you.
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Feeling like you don’t know who you are: Maybe you find it difficult to answer some of life’s ‘big’ questions - what sort of work do you really want to do? Do you want have children? And the smaller things - where do you want to go for dinner? What music do you like?
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Feeling responsible for people's feelings: Do you swoop in to 'save' people from discomfort or inconvenience and struggle to work out what is and isn't your responsibility? It may feel as if it's your job to protect your friends, family (and even strangers!) from any kind of 'negative' feeling or experience.
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Avoiding conflict: You may resonate with being the one to 'keep the peace', who mediates situations and dynamics between others, to ensure everything stays calm. You may find yourself nodding and agreeing, or keeping quiet about your needs, feelings or opinions, so you don't 'rock the boat' and things remain harmonious.
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Struggling with boundaries: Maybe it feels like people take advantage because you struggle to speak up and say no sometimes? You may want to learn how to communicate more honestly, but worry about seeming selfish and the impact this may have on the people around you.
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Worrying about being a burden: Maybe you tell yourself and others you're fine, hiding how you really feel behind a mask of happiness and seeming 'ok'. Because you don't like causing a fuss or having a negative impact on the people around you, they probably think you're calmer and less anxious than you feel.
Why we people-please
People-pleasing often starts as a way to feel safe, accepted, and valued. If we've learned from experience (within our families or elsewhere) that approval and stability come from keeping people happy, it’s natural to develop a tendency to focus on them more than ourselves. While often this makes relationships feel harmonious, it can also lead us to make a habit out of overlooking our own needs and feelings.
Over time, we lose touch with our preferences and priorities, making choices based on what we think others expect of us rather than what feels right for us. People-pleasing can leave us feeling drained, and confused about who we are underneath it all. Our lives may look good from the outside, but feel misaligned and disconnected deep down.
...Therapy offers a safe, intentional space to gently explore and understand your tendency to put others first, and make changes at a pace that feels right for you.
Our work might include:
Exploring your people-pleasing patterns and their origins
Rediscovering your values and what really fulfils you
Reconnecting to your true feelings, wants and needs
Building your confidence, self-worth and learning how to trust yourself
Practicing small, safe ways to express your needs
Working through the discomfort that may come with prioritising yourself
Learning new communication skills to help you speak up and advocate for yourself
The practicalities
Location: Sessions take place on Zoom or phone. I'm based in the UK and work with clients all over the world; I'm unable to work with clients based in the US or Canada.
Availability & fees: My practice hours are Monday - Thursday during the daytime; I offer a free 30-minute intro chat and regular sessions cost £95 - £125 (I invite all clients to self-select a fee within this).
Frequency of sessions: I meet most clients weekly and also offer fortnightly therapy where needed/appropriate. This is something we can explore in your intro chat.
What's needed from you: For online sessions, you'll need access to the internet (strong enough to watch Netflix) and a device that has a camera. For phone sessions, a stable signal is essential. For all sessions, it's vital you have a safe, quiet and private space to speak from.
Next steps
The first step is to complete the enquiry form below and I'll reply with my availability (usually within a couple of days) to find a time for an introductory chat. This will help us establish whether we both feel good about working together and offer space for your questions - we'll then go from there.
Please note: My diary is currently full and I'll next have availability to start in January 2025. If this works for you, please complete the form below and I'll be in touch about joining a short waitlist. Thank you!